oh magic conch shell, what is wrong with a woman having sex with as many partners as she wants?
oh magic conch shell, what is wrong with a woman wanting to receive money in exchange for sex?
oh magic conch shell, could it maybe be that this bitch ass anon is threatened by women doing what they want with their bodies instead of what society has conditioned them to do?
THE MAGIC CONCH SHELL HAS SPOKEN
I know how easy it is to idealize the anorexia. It seems so safe and comfortable and easy. It promises that you will be the best, the skinniest, the prettiest, and that everyone will be jealous and simultaneously want to be your friend. Reality check. That is a crock of shit. I know it sometimes feels like you could go back to the eating disorder and just be “better” at it. But I’ve made that mistake and I’ve made it many times. It would break my heart to see you give away years of your life chasing after this bullshit illusion that doesn’t exist.
Here is what will happen if you go back: You won’t have to deal with life or your feelings. That is the truth. I’ve spent years in that place. It’s safe and comfortable. But it’s only half-alive.
One day you wake up and realize that you’ve never been in love or made real friends or graduated college or taken the GRE or gotten work experience or had fun or fucking anything. It is hard to look back on wasted years. Believe me, I know.
You will feel shitty in the eating disorder. No one will want to be around you because you will be a boring, neurotic mess. You will lose the things you really want.
It’s tempting to get sick so that you can be taken care of. Remember that I am here and I am listening. You don’t have to write your pain on your body. You can say it out loud. I will hear you.
Dear every person who says that a mental illness is not
a valid reason for not being able to attend school normally,
Say that to the counselor, the school nurse, the paramedics,
and the friend who walked me to the office on the day of my overdose.
Say that to the kids who saw me sleep through first and second period.
Say that to the boy who sleeps in every class.
Tell that to my teacher who had to talk me out
of suicide on a school night.
Tell that to my bio teacher who saw
me break down during a suicide prevention assembly.
Tell that to the housemates who have heard
me call the suicide hotlines.
Tell that to my freshman English teacher who tells
me I look so alive now in comparison to
how dead I looked freshman year.
Say that to any friend who has had to talk me out of suicide.
Say that to any friend who has had to calm me down
after an anxiety attack.
Say that to every friend and follower that has
come to me with thoughts of suicide.
Tell that to the kids who have failing grades because
they can’t focus, the ones who can’t make it through
a school night without having an anxiety attack,
the kids who sleep right when they get home and
straight on until morning, the ones who
have more breakdowns a day than meals a day,
the ones who have spent more time staring
at hospital walls than school hallways.
Tell that to the kids who cry every night.
Tell that to the teenagers in psychiatric wards and treatment centers.
Tell that to the family of someone who has just committed suicide.
Tell them that school is more important than their sanity.
How to talk to your daughter about her body, step one: don’t talk to your daughter about her body, except to teach her how it works.
Don’t say anything if she’s lost weight. Don’t say anything if she’s gained weight.
If you think your daughter’s body looks amazing, don’t say that. Here are some things you can say instead:
“You look so healthy!” is a great one.
Or how about, “you’re looking so strong.”
“I can see how happy you are – you’re glowing.”
Better yet, compliment her on something that has nothing to do with her body.
Don’t comment on other women’s bodies either. Nope. Not a single comment, not a nice one or a mean one.
Teach her about kindness towards others, but also kindness towards yourself.
Don’t you dare talk about how much you hate your body in front of your daughter, or talk about your new diet. In fact, don’t go on a diet in front of your daughter. Buy healthy food. Cook healthy meals. But don’t say “I’m not eating carbs right now.” Your daughter should never think that carbs are evil, because shame over what you eat only leads to shame about yourself.
Encourage your daughter to run because it makes her feel less stressed. Encourage your daughter to climb mountains because there is nowhere better to explore your spirituality than the peak of the universe. Encourage your daughter to surf, or rock climb, or mountain bike because it scares her and that’s a good thing sometimes.
Help your daughter love soccer or rowing or hockey because sports make her a better leader and a more confident woman. Explain that no matter how old you get, you’ll never stop needing good teamwork. Never make her play a sport she isn’t absolutely in love with.
Prove to your daughter that women don’t need men to move their furniture.
Teach your daughter how to cook kale.
Teach your daughter how to bake chocolate cake made with six sticks of butter.
Pass on your own mom’s recipe for Christmas morning coffee cake. Pass on your love of being outside.
Maybe you and your daughter both have thick thighs or wide ribcages. It’s easy to hate these non-size zero body parts. Don’t. Tell your daughter that with her legs she can run a marathon if she wants to, and her ribcage is nothing but a carrying case for strong lungs. She can scream and she can sing and she can lift up the world, if she wants.
Remind your daughter that the best thing she can do with her body is to use it to mobilize her beautiful soul.